Originally published 11.24.13 - Republished 11.16
This isn't my first blog. I've cluttered up the internet on various platforms with equally various thoughts and ideas before, but being a fairly private person neglected to seriously publish or announce I've ever written anything anywhere which is I guess, the essential ingredient in blogging. A lot like art, you lay your sometimes innermost thoughts out in public view, and said public can chew them up and spit them out at you, and then one might never ever consider putting another innermost or even outermost thought in view again. Except this time I think is different.
I've been told more than once I should write. The first of these memories dates back to grade school and those blessed nuns, but usually theirs was more of a firm request for homework to be completed rather than a gentle encouragement of expressing myself in the written word. Still, much credit goes out to them for their steely persistence for surely I will always forget the importance of sentence structure and spelling and proper punctuation but never forget the wonderful way the pen could make incredible loops on the paper. I had the best margins in class.
Then over the years I had occasion to write a few things and a few supportive people I consider of great esteem and far smarter than I suggested I seriously write seriously. Seriously? What could I ever say I would wonder? I'd think of the great speeches that have crossed our generations, the poets that have changed history in a few simple words, a haiku that never left my memory or an old forgotten letter from an era of people that are only ghosts of my ancestors and yet can move me to tears, and wonder what I could ever say that would be of importance to anyone? Well, truth be told, I might not say anything important to anyone, ever. Or maybe somewhere, sometime, someone will read my musings and smile. Or pick up a pencil, or a brush, or write a paragraph. Or save a pigeon appropriately named Lucky. But that's a story for another day.
And so, for all the good people and friends who have chided me over the years for not having a real photo of me on the internet, here it is. This is me, this is what I look like. (On a good day in Spain.) For all the people who have encouraged me to write and I smiled and thanked them with no intention of ever doing so, I thank you for ever saying so. It appears your kind words took their sweet time to settle in but eventually, for better or worse this will be the monster you created. And lastly, I guess if you are really serious about stuff you dedicate it.
So I dedicate this blog to my three grown children and spouses who might come to know a side of me they may or, sometimes may not, want to know. To the various teachers from all walks of life that I have encountered along my journey, many who have departed this world, each of you have left an indelible footprint on my ecosystem and have helped shape who I am today. To a dear friend who silently suffered with breast cancer and through her silence made me realize It doesn't matter really what anyone else thinks. Sometimes we just have to do something for ourselves because in each of us is a fragile clock, and it's keeping time with every heartbeat. And finally, to my beautiful grandchildren, that if for no other reason than you, that you will come to know who I am and some of the observances I make of the world around me, because we all know when you put something on the internet it stays there forever. Love to all.